Overcoming Anger

What does the bible say about "Anger"

For many years I've held on to "In your anger do not sin" Ephesians 4:26 Yet whenever I got angry, by the end of the day I find myself asking for forgiveness. The truth is, my focus needed to be on James 1:20 "for human anger does not produce the righteousness of God."  I hope you will learn a lot from this post from Steve Fuller. (Info Below)

I Was Angry

Recently someone did something which made me angry.

It was something they should not have done, which I had asked them not to do, but which they did anyway. And I was frustrated, bothered, and fuming. Angry.

So What Is Anger?

I've heard people say that anger is just a natural response to pain.

But if anger is natural, then it sounds like it’s OK to be angry. It sounds like there’s nothing wrong with being angry.

But is that true?

What Does The Bible Say About Anger?

Here’s what Jesus says about anger —

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment. (Mat 5:22)

Whoa. Notice that word “everyone.” That includes me.

So my anger deserves God’s judgment. Which means it’s wrong.

And here’s what Paul says —

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Eph 4:31)

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. (Col 3:8)

So when I am angry, Paul wants me to put it away — get rid of it — stop being angry.

Which must mean there’s something wrong with my anger.

But why is my anger wrong?

What helped me was to ask —

What Is Anger?

The reason we get angry is because someone has caused us some loss or pain.

Let’s say someone is in the fast lane of the freeway in front of you, putting along at 45. Why does this make you angry? It’s because they are taking from you the convenience, pleasure, and freedom of going faster.

Or let’s say someone lies to get promoted instead of you. Why would that make you angry? It’s because they are taking from you the income, recognition, and satisfaction of being promoted.

See how that works?

Every time we feel anger it’s because someone has caused us some loss. And when we experience loss, it hurts. And when we hurt, we want to comfort that hurt, make up for that hurt, satisfy that hurt.

So how can we do that? We think it’s by getting back at the person who hurt us.

We think that will make us feel better.

And so we —

• say something insulting like “the gas pedal’s on the right, idiot!”
• feel bitter towards them
• slander them to other people
• have imaginary conversations where we put them in their place
• give them the silent treatment at work
• pass them in the right lane, shaking our head
• sabotage their work

So anger is the desire to satisfy my loss by getting back at the person who hurt me.

That helped me see why anger is sin.

Your Rich Uncle
Imagine you have a rich uncle, who said that if someone ever stole money from you, he would give you ten times the amount that was stolen. That’s right — ten times.

So then imagine that someone steals $10,000 dollars from you. That’s a loss. That hurts. And so you want to do something to comfort that loss, make up for that loss, and satisfy that loss.

So how can you best do that? By calling your rich uncle. Ten times $10,000 dollars is $100,000 dollars. And when you receive that $100,000 dollars, you would definitely feel comforted. You’d be at peace. You’d feel no anger.

You would still feel that what the person did was wrong. That’s called righteous indignation. And you could still press charges — not to satisfy your loss by getting back at them, but to uphold justice.

But you would not be angry.

Why Anger Is Sin

Take my anger. Someone had caused me loss. It hurt. Badly.

So I wanted to comfort my loss, make up for my loss, satisfy my loss.

And I have a rich uncle — God my Father. He has promised that the joy of knowing Him will more than make up for any earthly losses, now and forever (John 6:35; Rom 8:18; 2Cor 4:17).

But what did I do? I ignored God, and chose anger.

I tried to satisfy my loss by getting back at the person who hurt me —

• I thought about how wrong his actions were,
• I grumbled about him to my wife,
• I had imaginary conversations with him in my mind.

So can you see why my anger is wrong? It’s because when I’m angry I’m not trusting God’s promise to satisfy me. Instead, I’m trusting that I will be most satisfied by getting back at someone else.

So when I’m angry, I’m turning my back on God as my all-satisfying Treasure.

And that’s sin.

How Can I Overcome My Anger?

I’m going to turn my heart back to God, and seek Him. I’m going to trust Him to comfort my loss with His glory, His majesty, His goodness in Christ.

 Christian and Anger: How to overcome it!

I Was Angry

I mentioned in my last post that someone made me angry. 

So I asked — How should Christians view anger? And I saw from Matt 5:22, Eph 4:31, and Col 3:8 that I should see my anger as wrong.

Then I asked — Why is it wrong? And I saw that anger means trying to satisfy my pain by getting back at the person who hurt me — by thinking bad thoughts about them, giving them the silent treatment, slandering them, and so forth.

But that’s wrong, because God tells me not to get back at people, and because only Jesus Christ can fully satisfy my heart-pain.

OK. But that leaves one more question —

How Can I Overcome My Anger?

This is something God calls Christians to do —

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Eph 4:31)

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. (Col 3:8)

So God calls me to put away all my anger. But how?

Many of us try will-power or psychological techniques, like —

• Taking a deep breath.
• Counting our blessings.
• Letting go of what is troubling us.
• Focusing on positive thoughts.

These might bring temporary relief. But the relief won’t last, because none of these techniques deal with the root cause.

What Is The Root Cause?

In 1 Samuel 18 we read that Saul became very angry —

And the women sang to one another as they celebrated, “Saul has struck down his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” And Saul was very angry. (1Sam 18:7-8)

Why was Saul angry? It’s because David’s victories, and the women’s song, had taken away Saul’s fame. This loss of fame caused Saul pain.

At this point Saul could have turned his heart to the Lord, confessed his desire for fame, and sought his heart-satisfaction not in fame but in knowing God, beholding God, and worshiping God.

If Saul would have done this, God would have met him. Saul would have been filled with fulness of joy in God’s presence (Psa 16:11), and his heart-pain would have been fully satisfied in God Himself.

But that’s not what Saul did.

Saul turned his back on God. Saul tried to satisfy his heart-pain by being angry at David — by getting back at David. So Saul nurtured bad feelings toward him, entertained evil thoughts about him, planned ways to hurt and even kill him.

So what’s the root cause of Saul’s anger? It’s that Saul had turned his back on God and was seeking to satisfy his heart-pain by getting back at David.

Is That What I Was Doing?

Yes. To my shame, it was. Someone had caused me pain. But I was not bringing that pain to God.

Instead, I was seeking to satisfy my pain by getting back at this person — by thinking of how wrong he was, grumbling about him to my wife, having imaginary conversations where I told him off.

That’s the root cause of our anger. Someone causes us loss, but we turn our backs on God, and seek to satisfy our heart-pain by getting back at those who caused it.

So What Can I Do?

When I saw the root cause I could see what I needed to do. I needed to stop trusting that getting-back-at-someone would satisfy my heart-pain, and I needed to turn to Jesus Christ and trust Him to satisfy my heart-pain.

That was not going to be easy. But Jesus has already put my anger to death on the Cross (Rom 6:6). Which means that now, by His Spirit, He can put it to death in my heart (Rom 8:13).

So I turned to Jesus Christ just as I was — angry, upset, and bitter. I confessed that I had turned my back on Him, and was looking elsewhere for heart-satisfaction. I asked Him to forgive me through the Cross. And He assured me of complete forgiveness (if you struggle with this, pray over 1 John 1:9, Isa 53:4-6, and Rom 4:7).

Then I prayed and asked for more of the Spirit’s work in my heart. I asked the Father to strengthen my faith so I could see and feel Jesus once again as my all-satisfying Treasure. I prayed verses like Luke 11:13, 2Cor 3:18, Jer 2:12-13.

Then I set my heart on God’s majesty, power, glory, and love — using verses like Gal 2:20, Rev 1:5, Psa 138:5-6, and John 20:30-31.

I prayed over these verses until I felt the Holy Spirit strengthen my faith, and change my heart. Slowly my hard, bitter heart softened. I started to see, and then feel, the glory of Jesus Christ.

And as I worshiped Jesus Christ my heart-pain was healed. I felt peace and even joy in Christ.

And my anger was gone.

How Jesus Enables us to Forgive

Fired By A Real Estate Client

At the beginning of our church plant I worked in real estate. One client used a lot of my time but then fired me to get a better deal with another agent. This ended up costing me time, money, and reputation among other real estate agents, and I was angry and bitter. No way was I going to forgive.

But when Peter asks how many times he should forgive, Jesus’ answer is “seventy times seven” — 490 times (Matt 18:22). Which means we should forgive and never stop forgiving.

But that sounded impossible. Because forgiveness would mean –

• letting go of the harm my ex-client caused me
• no longer desiring her harm
• only desiring her good

But my heart was miles from that. So how could I forgive?

Jesus Tells Us

In Matthew 18:21-35 Jesus describes a servant who is angry because he is owed 100 denarii, which is 100 days wages, according to D. A. Carson’s “Matthew” commentary. Imagine someone owing you $20,000 and not paying you back. That would hurt.

But this same servant owes his master ten thousand talents — over a billion dollars, according to Carson. So, because he can’t pay it back, he’s going to be sold into slavery along with his wife and children. But he pleads with his master to give him time to repay, and his master does the unthinkable and forgives the billion dollar debt.

Imagine. At one moment you owe a billion dollars, so you and your family will be sold into the horrors of slavery. But the next moment you owe nothing and you and your family are saved.

But then what does this slave do? He finds the slave who owes him 100 denarii and threatens to throw him in prison if he doesn’t pay up. When the king hears what this slave did, he throws him in prison until he pays back the billion dollars. And Jesus concludes: “So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from the heart” (v.35).

How Can We Forgive?

The first slave was out $20,000. That’s a lot of money. And yet the first slave should have forgiven the second slave, because of the billion dollar gift the first slave received from the king.

This parable teaches how Jesus enables us to forgive. When I am angry with someone it’s because they have caused me loss. This sense of loss hurts, and makes me want to even the scales by harming them.

Since the anger is caused by my loss, the only way to get rid of the anger is to ease the pain of the loss with a huge gain.

Imagine that after my real estate client fired me, I won a billion dollars in the lottery. Would I still be angry with her? Not at all. Because my joy in the billion dollars would more than make up for the loss she caused me.

And Jesus says I have received a billion dollar gain — in Him. The forgiveness of my sins, being adopted as God’s son, and having God’s heart-satisfying presence forever – this is the billion dollar gain which more than makes up for the losses my ex-client cost me.

So what enables us to forgive is seeing that the billion dollar gain we have in Christ more than makes up for the losses others have cost me.

Why Am I Still Angry?

But if that’s true, then why am I still angry? It’s because at that moment I’m not seeing what I have in Christ as a billion-dollar gain. All I’m seeing is the loss of time, reputation, and money my ex-client cost me. My anger and pride has blinded me to what I have in Christ.

So the only way I can forgive is to have the Holy Spirit change my heart so I once again see the billion-dollar gain I have in Christ. That would so make up for my loss that I would be able to forgive.

So here are the steps which God used to change my heart –

I Turned to Trust Christ

I did not try to change my heart first. Instead I turned to Him just as I was — bitter and angry — saying “God, be merciful to me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13-14).

I Confessed My Sin

My unforgiveness was sin, because I had let my ex-client’s actions blind me to all I had in Christ.

So I confessed my blindness. I repented of how I was not seeing Christ as the billion-dollar treasure He is. I asked Him to forgive me. I thanked Him for His death which paid for my guilt, and His perfect life which covered all my sin.

I Prayed for the Spirit’s Heart-Changing Work

Apart from the Spirit’s supernatural work, my anger would keep blinding me to all I had in Christ. So I asked him to enlighten the eyes of my heart so I could see and feel all that I had in Christ (Eph 1:18).

I Set My Heart on God’s Word

So I set my heart on verses describing Jesus Christ, and asked God to help me to see and feel the massive gains of –

• knowing a God who is fulness of joy forever (Psa 16:11)
• forgiveness of all my sins past, present, and future (Rom 4:6-7)
• a Savior who satisfies every heart thirst in Himself (John 6:35)
• an eternity beholding God’s glory (Rev 21:21-22)

I Continued Until My Heart Changed

I kept praying over those verses until I slowly felt my heart change. My sense of Christ’s worth grew. My feelings of loss were comforted, and then overshadowed, by the gains I had in Christ.

My heart went from feeling empty, to feeling full, overflowingly full — in Christ.

And when my heart was full of Christ, I saw that my anger had gone. I no longer desired revenge. I actually felt compassion for her.

Jesus had enabled me to forgive.

What this taught me

When I am angry at someone, it’s because I am not seeing Christ as a billion-dollar gain. So forgiveness depends on fighting the fight of faith until the Holy Spirit changes my heart — and I once again feel the infinite gain I have in Christ — and let that gain swallow up whatever losses I have received.

I do not say that lightly.

Some of you reading this have experienced losses that make mine look tiny. But what Jesus teaches in Matthew 18 is true: the gain you have in Him is infinitely greater than anything anyone has taken from you.

You may not feel that now. But He can change your heart so you will.

So turn to Christ as you are, confess your unforgiveness, cry out for the work of the Spirit, and set your heart on the truth of who Christ is. He will change your heart so you once again see and feel the infinite gain you have in Him.

And you will be able to forgive. 

Written by Steve Fuller.  Blog: Living By Faith. Link: http://livingbyfaithblog.com/